If You Go Down To The Woods Today, You May Die.

This blog is supposed to be about how riding a bike and getting out into the countryside is a good way of combating depression and anxiety, and is just a good thing generally. The countryside is a safe, relaxing, beautiful and peaceful place... isn't it?

I've always thought our countryside and wildlife is a bit crap risk wise, compared to what some folk around the world put up with. We don't get chased by gert great hairy arsed Bears while out for a Bimble for a start: Clicky which is good. Bear Bangers and other assorted repellents are much advised as part of a rider's kit in some parts of the world.

 The first of two rides recently, and a very pleasant start to the day.

Not the result of a fly tipper I don't think, it's all far too neatly arranged for that, but more likely waiting for the council to come and collect it all.

Meanwhile other folk, like the Aussies for example, have spiders that could eat a horse to contend with. Over here we have 'humane' spider traps so when you find a great bandy legged bastard in your bath you can retrieve the beast and release it safely in your garden without having to touch it. In Oz the question of how best to deal with a spider in your bath is whether you use your under and over, or side by side shotgun to despatch the beggar with.

Foxgloves are the latest addition to the verges, and a most welcome sight they are too.

 Ah there's the fuzzy upload. Random view over a hedge, and no stabby eaty beasts or critters to worry about here.

I whipped the rack off the Jamis the other day and fitted it to the Voodoo to see if my heels would foul the panniers all the time, given the 26" wheels and short chainstays. Thankfully there is plenty of room, so now the Voodoo is equipped for carrying all sorts of extra guff and I ordered up and fitted another rack to the Jamis, so now can just swap the panniers between the two bikes.

The Voodoo in this mode now reminds me of the old Clattermonger Carrera, which is now in well earned retirement.

That's just spiders though, folk around the world have tooled up snakes, Crocodiles/Alligators, Moose/elk, and back to Oz again, five foot high bouncing things, to contend with. 

Then there's the weather. Getting caught out in the open in a thunder storm is a bit of a risk, and there's bad weather in winter on the moors and mountains, but generally our weather isn't out to kill you. No ducking low flying Chevies as a Tornado rips past your house for us Brits.

 Out for a second rural pootle and getting strafed by the Gulls is the biggest hazard here.

The Campion is looking a bit secondhand in places.

So we're pretty safe going for a ride in our countryside aren't we? We might run over a squirrel perhaps, or be startled by a chaotic Pheasant, but that's about it.

Well no, there are risks to be found even in our rural areas and the website Enjoy the Countryside has published the Dirty Dozen Dangers to be found in the Great British Countryside, and one or two of them do indeed have the capacity to really spoil your day, or worse. 

 Just bozzin' along...

 Ah now... here's a potential hazard to the speeding bicyclist - snagging your bar ends in the local vegetation... I got away with it this time, but one day I'll snag something a little more determined to yank the bars and lob me into the scenery.

And the evidence of my foolhardiness up close.

To me, the hazard to be most wary of is the tiny Tick. Nasty beggars they are as they can give you Lyme Disease as well as other debilitating and incurable infections. It is most likely an issue for mountain bikers bozzing through the undergrowth rather than a Bimbler trundling about the lanes, but still. Ticks are nasty - no question.

Cows are a known issue too, and more people are killed by Cows than by Bulls in the UK. Mostly they are very curious and friendly things, unless they have young'uns with them and feel threatened, in which case they are prone to a bit of charging and trampling, so keep your eyes open when crossing their patch on a Bridleway and give 'em a swerve is the best way forward.

 Looking across towards the Clay hills, which used to be pointy and white, but have been lopped and landscaped now to make them less obvious.

Someone was bitten by an Adder here in Cornwall a while back. He went to hospital, they gave him an antihistamine or something and sent him home again. Adders aren't really aggressive, and when approached will slither off pronto. It's usually when you tread on them that they get the hump and dig their fangs in, and that's fair enough to be honest. But the outcome isn't usually anything to be overly worried about. Some folk around the planet are dead before they can say "What the chuff just bit my le...."

Obviously some people do have real trouble with things like an Adder bite or even a Bee sting, suffering very nasty allergic reactions indeed, so I shouldn't belittle the situation. But really, adding Nettle stings and thorns to a list of countryside dangers is pushing things a tad in my book.

Divots in paths and Bridleways left by horses are a hazard to all, whether on a bike or on foot, as they can unseat a rider or twist an ankle very easily. Farm machinery is best avoided, either in the fields/farm yards or indeed, when negotiating the lanes. The biggest danger in the countryside in my opinion though is the rat running commuter, ripping through the lanes on his/her way to or from work and trying to avoid the jams on the main roads. Blind bends mean nothing to them seemingly, or in fact, defensive driving as a whole.

Another hazard for a rural cyclist are Country Dumplings, (piles of horse poop), which on a bend can provide sudden adhesion deficiency leading to an anti gravity failiure, or in other words, a big old skid and subsequent crash. Even worse if you actually land in the smelly pile of course. Plenty of scope there for a broken bone or two, maybe a nasty graze or just going home wearing a horse's dinner smeared across your side.

One other thing I'm always really cautious of when in the lanes though, is the position of the sun in regard to other traffic. I make darn sure to keep a keen ear out for any traffic that would be driving into the sun so I can get out of the way sharpish, even on wide sections of road, in case they don't see me. It's easy to lose sight of an old giffer on a slow moving bike (or a slow moving giffer on an old bike) when driving into a low sun, or indeed in the strobing effect of a tree lined road. 

Country colours.

But never mind all that, the countryside is in fact giving me some serious grief right now, even as I'm sat typing this guff in my living room. Yes, it's Hay Fever time, and my word, this year is proving to be a proper doozy for the streaming eyes, machine gun sneezes and running nose. The tablets are taking the edge off it, no more, which makes riding a bike in the countryside a bit of a pain to be honest, and believe me, when at its worst, I could cheerfully suck on a shotgun barrel and end it all just to get some relief from the scratchy eyes and itchy Palate, and they don't mention that in their list of hazards do they.

----------------