If You Go Down To The Woods Today, You May Die.

This blog is supposed to be about how riding a bike and getting out into the countryside is a good way of combating depression and anxiety, and is just a good thing generally. The countryside is a safe, relaxing, beautiful and peaceful place... isn't it?

I've always thought our countryside and wildlife is a bit crap risk wise, compared to what some folk around the world put up with. We don't get chased by gert great hairy arsed Bears while out for a Bimble for a start: Clicky which is good. Bear Bangers and other assorted repellents are much advised as part of a rider's kit in some parts of the world.

 The first of two rides recently, and a very pleasant start to the day.

Not the result of a fly tipper I don't think, it's all far too neatly arranged for that, but more likely waiting for the council to come and collect it all.

Meanwhile other folk, like the Aussies for example, have spiders that could eat a horse to contend with. Over here we have 'humane' spider traps so when you find a great bandy legged bastard in your bath you can retrieve the beast and release it safely in your garden without having to touch it. In Oz the question of how best to deal with a spider in your bath is whether you use your under and over, or side by side shotgun to despatch the beggar with.

Foxgloves are the latest addition to the verges, and a most welcome sight they are too.

 Ah there's the fuzzy upload. Random view over a hedge, and no stabby eaty beasts or critters to worry about here.

I whipped the rack off the Jamis the other day and fitted it to the Voodoo to see if my heels would foul the panniers all the time, given the 26" wheels and short chainstays. Thankfully there is plenty of room, so now the Voodoo is equipped for carrying all sorts of extra guff and I ordered up and fitted another rack to the Jamis, so now can just swap the panniers between the two bikes.

The Voodoo in this mode now reminds me of the old Clattermonger Carrera, which is now in well earned retirement.

That's just spiders though, folk around the world have tooled up snakes, Crocodiles/Alligators, Moose/elk, and back to Oz again, five foot high bouncing things, to contend with. 

Then there's the weather. Getting caught out in the open in a thunder storm is a bit of a risk, and there's bad weather in winter on the moors and mountains, but generally our weather isn't out to kill you. No ducking low flying Chevies as a Tornado rips past your house for us Brits.

 Out for a second rural pootle and getting strafed by the Gulls is the biggest hazard here.

The Campion is looking a bit secondhand in places.

So we're pretty safe going for a ride in our countryside aren't we? We might run over a squirrel perhaps, or be startled by a chaotic Pheasant, but that's about it.

Well no, there are risks to be found even in our rural areas and the website Enjoy the Countryside has published the Dirty Dozen Dangers to be found in the Great British Countryside, and one or two of them do indeed have the capacity to really spoil your day, or worse. 

 Just bozzin' along...

 Ah now... here's a potential hazard to the speeding bicyclist - snagging your bar ends in the local vegetation... I got away with it this time, but one day I'll snag something a little more determined to yank the bars and lob me into the scenery.

And the evidence of my foolhardiness up close.

To me, the hazard to be most wary of is the tiny Tick. Nasty beggars they are as they can give you Lyme Disease as well as other debilitating and incurable infections. It is most likely an issue for mountain bikers bozzing through the undergrowth rather than a Bimbler trundling about the lanes, but still. Ticks are nasty - no question.

Cows are a known issue too, and more people are killed by Cows than by Bulls in the UK. Mostly they are very curious and friendly things, unless they have young'uns with them and feel threatened, in which case they are prone to a bit of charging and trampling, so keep your eyes open when crossing their patch on a Bridleway and give 'em a swerve is the best way forward.

 Looking across towards the Clay hills, which used to be pointy and white, but have been lopped and landscaped now to make them less obvious.

Someone was bitten by an Adder here in Cornwall a while back. He went to hospital, they gave him an antihistamine or something and sent him home again. Adders aren't really aggressive, and when approached will slither off pronto. It's usually when you tread on them that they get the hump and dig their fangs in, and that's fair enough to be honest. But the outcome isn't usually anything to be overly worried about. Some folk around the planet are dead before they can say "What the chuff just bit my le...."

Obviously some people do have real trouble with things like an Adder bite or even a Bee sting, suffering very nasty allergic reactions indeed, so I shouldn't belittle the situation. But really, adding Nettle stings and thorns to a list of countryside dangers is pushing things a tad in my book.

Divots in paths and Bridleways left by horses are a hazard to all, whether on a bike or on foot, as they can unseat a rider or twist an ankle very easily. Farm machinery is best avoided, either in the fields/farm yards or indeed, when negotiating the lanes. The biggest danger in the countryside in my opinion though is the rat running commuter, ripping through the lanes on his/her way to or from work and trying to avoid the jams on the main roads. Blind bends mean nothing to them seemingly, or in fact, defensive driving as a whole.

Another hazard for a rural cyclist are Country Dumplings, (piles of horse poop), which on a bend can provide sudden adhesion deficiency leading to an anti gravity failiure, or in other words, a big old skid and subsequent crash. Even worse if you actually land in the smelly pile of course. Plenty of scope there for a broken bone or two, maybe a nasty graze or just going home wearing a horse's dinner smeared across your side.

One other thing I'm always really cautious of when in the lanes though, is the position of the sun in regard to other traffic. I make darn sure to keep a keen ear out for any traffic that would be driving into the sun so I can get out of the way sharpish, even on wide sections of road, in case they don't see me. It's easy to lose sight of an old giffer on a slow moving bike (or a slow moving giffer on an old bike) when driving into a low sun, or indeed in the strobing effect of a tree lined road. 

Country colours.

But never mind all that, the countryside is in fact giving me some serious grief right now, even as I'm sat typing this guff in my living room. Yes, it's Hay Fever time, and my word, this year is proving to be a proper doozy for the streaming eyes, machine gun sneezes and running nose. The tablets are taking the edge off it, no more, which makes riding a bike in the countryside a bit of a pain to be honest, and believe me, when at its worst, I could cheerfully suck on a shotgun barrel and end it all just to get some relief from the scratchy eyes and itchy Palate, and they don't mention that in their list of hazards do they.

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The Lanes in May...

Yep, that's what a Monday looks and feels like.

On a happier note, Fatso there got a thorough clean at last, having spent the last few weeks gathering road and trail dust in the dry conditions, before then getting mud splattered in the woods last weekend. But now all is clean and lubed once again, and if I'm up to it, I might get busy with the Pledge later and give the bike some added gloss and protection.

I also plan to swap the tyres over to even out the wear a little bit, but that involves battling with the beads and trying to get the tyres seated properly - a right pain in the posterior that is, so I might put that off for some other time...

Well, the new Bottom Bracket arrived on Friday afternoon, along with sundry tools, chain lube and the little packet of Haribo that is a feature of any Wiggle order.

Having battled with rubbish tools and rather tight threads when taking the Voodoo apart, it all went back together beautifully smoothly in less than ten minutes. When things go right, working on a bike can be every bit as rewarding and relaxing as riding it. Getting everything laid out ready, inspecting, greasing, oiling, fitting and testing - very therapeutic. So pleased was I with my few minutes work that I stayed out in the shed and cleaned the bike, and had one of those fiddle sessions. I'm happy out in the shed, don't want to go back in yet, so I find something to fiddle with. Adjusting or oiling cables, checking tyre pressures, greasing a seat post, anything to be out spending some time just pottering. Lovely.

Of course, a good Blogger would have photographed all this work and described it interestingly and informatively. But I didn't do any of that, so you'll have to imagine it for yourselves.

So anyway, that was Friday, and come Saturday morning, a test ride was in order to make sure I hadn't fitted the Bottom Bracket upside down and the bike would be pedaling everywhere backwards or something equally daft.

Saturday also carried a certain poignancy as it would have been my thirtieth wedding anniversary, were I still married that is. So to mark the occasion, I placed some flowers on my wife's grave. 

Well it wasn't far to go, I only buried her under the patio...

Ok ok... that was a bad taste joke, and my ex beloved is in fact alive and well I'm pleased to say, but Saturday would indeed have been our thirtieth, so many memories were in mind as the day progressed.

There was a very frisky South Westerly ruffling the sunny hedgerows as I headed out, reveling in the quiet and smooth running of the bike. Can a new BB really make that much difference? A certain amount of Placebo effect may have been at work, but I swear everything was quieter, and pedaling was definitely 'tighter' with the sideways slack gone from the cranks.

No prizes for guessing which of these I would follow - Tregassow Lane is where the pleasure treasure is found. I always enjoy a gentle toot along this lane, be it for the riding or the general rural ambience, it is always time spent enjoyably, even if there is a guffing great hill to climb at the far end.

But enough about the bike, because what started out as just a bimble around my usual loop to test out the bike soon became a ride of wide eyed wonder at the heaving verges, banks and hedges. In the morning sunshine the colours were just superb with all sorts of wild flowers and tarty weeds bursting out all over the shop. Add in the bird song in the background and the lanes were an absolute treat to ride. When I was riding that is, as I kept stopping every few yards for another poke about or photo session. 

 Just look at those banks - full of greens, whites, blues and pinks, all swaying in the breeze (lively wind not shown... I must start doing video...). Riding slowly along these colourful corridors in the sunny, fresh and clean air was simply a wonderful feeling.

It may be the mild and dry winter we had, but the wild vegetation does seem to be particularly thick and colourful this year. I don't seem to remember everything bursting with such life and vibrancy last year, but maybe I'm just a bit more receptive to it at the moment.

Bluebells... shoot 'em while stocks last, they'll be gone for another year all too soon.

 Hmmmm... getting away from the wonderful world of nature for a moment and a random shot of a knobbly tyre stood in a puddle (not that you'd know that background is a puddle but still).

Right, I've tried everything I know to sort out the blurriness issue on here, but however many times I upload this photo to Google it still comes up fuzzy. Must be something in the file that Google doesn't play well with, as on my PC it looks fine. Right click and open in a new window should see it displayed as intended however.

These are Germander Speedwell, and they're easily overlooked, being quite small in comparison to the other more flamboyant attention seeking wild flowers. You'd need good eyes to see them from a passing car, which is why a bike, or just walking, is needed to really see and appreciate these things.

 Getting detail in such banks of Buttercups when the sun is on them isn't easy at all with my meagre camera handling/photographic skillz. This took a bit of pushing and pulling of the RAW file in post processing to sort it all out.

 Intentional fuzziness here, as I tried to portray just how blustery the wind was. This was actually a mild gust too, I got photos that look more like an abstract artists palette such is the level of blur and the vibrancy of the colour.

Random view over a hedge.

A rather uplifting ride then, and to top it all, the bike behaved impeccably after my attempts at life saving surgery, and I made it home without a crank falling off or the bottom end vomiting bearings all over the road.

Confirmation of an enjoyable time being had also came when I scrolled through the figures on the bike's computer on reaching home - 6.58 miles covered and nearly three hours spent doing them! Now that's what quality Bimbling is all about!

Map of my regular loop - Tregassow Lane is covered by numbers one and two here, with it starting at the junction above the second letter 'e' of St Erme. Full details Here

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Voodoo Surgery and a Coffee Ride.

The observant among readers of this guff, maybe even both of them, will have noticed the Voodoo has been missing for a while from my posts.

Well, on a recent ride I thought I could feel a little sideways play down by my feet and sure enough, a quick investigation revealed the Bottom Bracket was dickered.

Not a problem though, as I have a comprehensive collection of knuckle rappers and nut rounders at my disposal, so it would be just a case of fishing out the old BB, ordering up the new one and fitting it. With overnight delivery it needn't be off the road more than a day.

But I was having too much fun riding Fatso, plus other things got in the way, so it was a while before I ventured into the shed full of optimism for the task ahead, and with a pocket full of plasters ready to stem the blood that is usually spilled when I undertake such ventures.

Unfortunately though, things didn't go to plan. At all. Firstly the cunning crank extractor tool doesn't fit. The pin thing is too fat to pass through the threads of the retaining bolt to the shaft it's supposed to push against. So I had to wait until my neighbour was free and borrow his. The next day saw both cranks removed in a few seconds – now we're cooking on gas! Or not, as then the BB remover tool would barely meet the teeth of the BB wotsitcalled, due to the crap way it was designed. This toolkit of mine is turning out to be a big waste of money. So onto the net I go and order up new BB and crank remover tools. 

Meanwhile Craig, my neighbour, has popped his head round the gate to see how things were going and if any wounds/sudden amputations incurred were healing yet, and on hearing the latest tale of woe, got his BB remover and removed the offending article for me (and boy did he have to give it some welly to shift the threads, I couldn't have freed them given my weak back and lack of strength).

So the new BB was ordered up, and I'm sat here now waiting for it, along with the new crank and BB removal tools, to arrive courtesy of the fine folk at Wiggle.

So I may as well witter on about the ride I had yesterday morning down to the Tresillian River for a coffee brewed on the trusty Trangia. Or I would but I've just told all there is to tell really. I had a ride down to the river on Fatso, had coffee, rode home again. There, that about covers it. It did start raining once the stove was lit, so I had to rely on the GoPro for some of the photos, but that's about all there is to say, although it was a very enjoyable ride indeed.

So I'll do any wittering in the photo captions and leave it there. Hopefully the Voodoo will be back in service this weekend, unless some other hold up occurs that is.

 End of the Game near Trevella Stream.

And now a weather update: Woo that's manky.

 Beneath the Paddington to Penzance mainline shortly before the long drop down into Tresillian.

 Arriving in Tresillian always means tangling with the traffic on the A390. But first, a shot of some wild flowers growing against the old toll house which is currently vacant.

A quick ride along the flat through Tresillian before hanging a left and taking to the riverside path that leads to St Clement.

Pfft! I laugh in the face of danger me... It'll take more than the chance of a tree landing on my head to put me off my ride! (rain might though... ahem...)

This is a favourite spot to plot up and have a coffee, the old boat house beside the Tresillian River. I'd barely got the trusty Trangia lit before it started raining. Thankfully it was only light rain, more of a drizzle at times, so I just stuck with the plan.

 Kettle boiled, it was time to savour a Latte Caramel served with a hint of drizzle and fallen tree pollen.

At home I am addicted to my Aeropress coffee maker, it is all I'll drink, but out on a ride I make use of those three in one sachets that can be bought, and I must say, Poundland offers the best variety with all the usual coffees plus Lattes, Cappuccinos and all sorts of other tasty treats available.

Whatever is used though, coffee always tastes better outside, somewhere pleasant, and when done using a camping stove. 

The Mini Trangia takes about ten minutes to boil that small kettle, but the turbo gas powered furnaces that some campers use to boil water in a couple of seconds are not what it's all about for me, at all. 

Crappy handlebar bag contains the stove and various bits and bobs, but isn't big enough to take the kettle as well. That goes in the rucksack.

Heading back along the path towards Tresillian. 

This flowery photo directly above is a bit of a fail, the camera not quite getting the focus spot on by the look of it, but I'll bung it up anyway.

 Random drizzlesome shot on the way home.

Only a short ride this one, as I usually go on to St Clement at least, and often further, when I come this way, but given the weather I just headed home again post caffeine.

The map only shows one way travel as I rode back the way I'd come. The numbers are actually miles from the start point. The full map can be found Here

The light rain and drizzle failed to spoil the ride, and once back off the main road, it was all quite peaceful and pleasant riding through the damp countryside, so it was all good.

Now where's my box of bits from Wiggle...

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On One - Any Colour You Want To Make Them, As Long As They're Black Please.

Right, time for a rant.

The tyres Fatso came fitted with – On One's own branded 'Floaters' are quite well regarded in the sometimes strange world of Fatbiking, and for my modest needs I have found them ideal. They give me more grip than I can handle even when the going is slick as a well greased Goose, and they aren't draggy when on tarmac. Better yet, at around the £30 - £35 mark, they are, or should that be were, reasonably priced (for a fat tyre that is, I pay eight quid each for the Voodoo's boots).

Tyre pricing is one big drawback of Fatbike ownership, with most tyres costing from £50 up to about £80 each, but some are well over £100, which is just plain daft in my book. At least Dick Turpin wore a mask when ripping folk off, how anyone can keep a straight face and ask for 120 quid for a bicycle tyre is beyond me.

The trouble is, On One recently saw fit to discontinue the Floater tyres... Noooo!! Yep, so word on the forums has it, the faithful Floaters are no more. Gone, kaput, extinct. They have sunk without trace.

Or have they? You see there are Floaters on the On One web site, for £35 quid too, but there's a problem. They ain't black.

Tyres are black. B-L-A-C-K black. Black as four in the morning or a yard up a chimney. It's the way things are and should always be. Even tan wall or white wall tyres don't butter my toast - tyres for me are black.

A black tyre yesterday. This is the correct colour for such an article.

So what colour are these Floaters on the site then if they're not black? Well they're 'Dog's Cock Pink,' bright Orange, a rather dodgy and not unfamiliar looking brown, 'Bile Green' and 'Three Day Old Snow By The Roadside White.'

Plenty of Floaters available to buy, but will you just look at them...

Never mind just how wrong these things look, Fatbikes attract enough attention as it is without adding another 'why?' to the list of questions folk ask whenever you park up. No matter how cheap or smooth riding these things might be, I just cannot bring myself to even consider defiling Fatso's handsome appearance with such awful hues.

Lurid tyres aren't new of course, and they were available for a while for motorcycles, but not any more... 'cos they look complete bobbins.

 Yes mate, they do match the bike, but they still look utter pants.

Like multi storey car park crime, this is wrong on so many levels.

So come on On One, stop dicking about for heaven's sake and get the Floaters back on sale, in black please, as mine are starting to look a little weary and come Autumn will probably be hooperchooped and there is no way I'm fitting pink or bright orange tyres to my bike, or ones costing a hundred quid for that matter either.

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