The Sin Bin - 24th September, 2015.

This is aimed at the salad swerving MAMIL roadie I had the misfortune to be walking behind in town this morning, as he pushed his bike along the pavement mingling with the shoppers.

Dear MAMIL,

I'm sure skin tight lycra provides many benefits for you when out putting in the miles on your slim, lightweight, performance steed. But there is an issue that needs addressing, and it is with regard to that skin tight nature of your chosen attire, specifically in relation to your shorts, and your erm... shall we say, generous build.

Nobody wants to see your fat arse in town mate! 

Particularly so as you seem to like going commando. Oh yuck! 

Your bum crack wobbling about like a caravan in a crosswind just ahead of me made me fear for the integrity of my stomach contents. It's not a pleasing sight so early on a fine morning I can tell you. That was just with you walking along the street, what the hell things are like when you are stretched forward to the bars is beyond contemplation. Judging by the faces of people walking towards you, the view from the front was more alarming than charming too.

The worst of it is you probably stood in front of a mirror in your gear when you bought it, and thought 'yup, looking good...' No no no no... No! A Hog's Pudding in a sausage skin would be more like it. 

Some people really shouldn't be allowed to choose their own wardrobes and you sir are a prime example. Wear some baggier shorts over your lycra jobbies for pity's sake, nobody wants to see your barrel like backside in such vivid, cheek wobbling clarity.

You sir, whoever you are, are in the Sin Bin for heinous clothing and visible bumcrack crimes, and I hope you use the time to carefully consider your actions! This is a lenient sentence by the way, as I was sorely tempted to wrestle your poor bicycle from your grasp and stick it right where the sun actually was (unfortunately) shining this morning. In fact there was room there for two bikes, such is the vastness of your lycra clad backside. Please, get some dignity, decency and decorum!

Grrr.....

Oh no... I know I shouldn't have started typing this just after eating my dinner... excuse me...