Monday 28 September 2015

The Sin Bin - Automatic Chain Oilers.

A clean and well oiled chain is a joy – silent and smooth running, along with easy shifting of gears. I'm a bit of a chain oiling obsessive, usually putting far too much on, too often, and so ending up with a manky, gooey paste as dirt sticks to it, sort of defeating the object of the lube in the first place. So you'd think I'd welcome the idea of an automatic chain oiler, an item that works very well on motorcycles.

Well no. Just how hard is it to oil your own chain, really? Judging by the state of some drive chains you see out and about, usually on some poor old commuting rattler, it is nigh on impossible, but the sort of person that neglects their bike to such a degree is hardly the sort to shell out a load of Lizzies and fiddle and fanny about fitting fancy bottles of oil and hi tech jockey wheels to their bike.

There seem to be at least two types on the go, one using a soft plastic bladder and a bottle of oil that requires the pilot to squeeze the bladder periodically while riding to push oil out onto the chain. The other uses a pair of AA batteries in a downtube mounted device that does it all for you, although you do have to programme it to tell it how often you want your chain squirting. So you have bottles and bladders, pipes and tubing, and oil nozzles to aim at the chain, or even a whole new jockey wheel to install. What a load of faff that lot will be! Bike frames already have plenty of cables, hoses, bottle cages, bags, pumps, and batteries hanging off them, who wants to go plumbing in a load more guff?

No no no no! Just buy some oil and put some on the chain every now and again, it takes just a couple seconds. You don't even have to use shop bought bike oil, old engine oil is better than no oil at all for instance. These things surely are a case of desperately making something to sell, regardless of whether the resulting product has any real merit.

If one of these devices turns up in my stocking one Christmas, there will be the most dramatic and bloody murder in Lapland of a popular bearded seasonal character, and his merry elves, the world has ever seen.


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